self deprecation.

02 Oct, 2025

Hi. I'm in school right now.

Anyways, I feel like I've been having low self-esteem these past two days (10/01 & 10/02).

I feel so stupid for breaking down and crying. I feel so stupid. I feel so worthless.

But could you blame me if the things I was sad about were things I thought would look better or do better on?

Yesterday, I was in one of my art related classes (3D) and we were doing a notan project. I usually dont get in my head about art stuff because I value the work I create but I felt as if my project was awful. God awful. And everyone else's looked so much cooler.

It's stupid. It's all stupid. I shouldn't be crying over something my so trivial. But, art is the thing I'm the most confident in. Period.

Today, I didn't expect to get an 100 on the MCQ part of my stats test but I got something lower than what I expected. A 64%.

Again, maybe I'm being stupid and all of this mulling is pointless.

But not to me. It's all stupid but it's not pointless.

I care so much because I thought I'd do good. But I didn't. I failed. Myself.

I wish I could be a better kid. I wish I could be smarter like my friends are. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm an outcast disguised as a normal person. I feel utterly worthless. I don't know how people can stand someone like me.

Maybe it's best to quit. Not life itself but to quit everything else.

I'm a dumbass and I don't deserve anything good in my life.

Ever.