Maybe I won't ever get better.

03 Jun, 2026

I might just indulge in the worst things. I don't really mean self-harm either. I might start reading more psychologically taxing books, watching more taxing films/anime, etc. I have this dumb urge to want to know why people create the things they do. Maybe it will make me feel something, even if that something isn't improvement anymore.

I've just finished Butai ni Sake! which feels ironic to bring it up here since it was one of the most wholesome things I've read recently. However, I learned about Hell Screen by Akutagawa Ryuunosuke from this manga. To be honest, I'm very interested in the story.

I'm not going to explain the story (mainly because I don't feel like typing it all but also so a possible passerby [you!] can make that choice on your own. It covers heavy topics and I can only assume Wikipedia only scratches the surface).

The link to the Wikipedia page is here.

I also really like Frank Kafka's The Metamorphosis and specifically the metaphor on isolation and alienation. I feel like it's hitting me harder than ever recently.

But I want to read more stuff like this (especially like Hell Screen). I'm really intrigued by it all.

So, maybe that can be my half-way-through-the-year-resolution: to not get better but to learn more about the thought process of all of these writers/artists/etc. To learn, I guess.