my public echo chamber
I've thought about it. They way I put all of my feelings on blast here. I used to have be active on a private Twitter account before I stopped utilizing it as much. For some reason, I don't use it as much now.
In hindsight, I should've never put my feelings on display so publicly like a blog site. The world doesn't need to know every time I feel like killing myself. And yet, I can't stop myself (mostly).
I think of a blog as a place to share everything. Things I could never, would never, and honestly should never share to anyone else in my personal life. I tend to be fearful that no one would even care about my feelings and it leads to me wanting to hide everything about myself. In turn, I feel like I've become a boring person as of the past two or so years. Always bending to the will of everyone else just so they can be my friend still.
It's pathetic. It's so pathetic. I wish I can be open with the people I care about. I'd chalk it up to my and my friends' humor. We tend to be very sarcastic which kind of leaves no room to ever be honest (at least for me).
I've mentioned it countless of times but I wonder if the people around me stopped caring... or never cared at all. I also wonder if I'm boring to be around. I feel like my true personality hasn't truly shined in two years.
It sounds cruel but in a way, I'm glad I graduated and won'tsee my friends everyday (or every other day). It'd teach me not to get hung up on those feelings. I need the time to be alone with my feelings.
Oh, where was I at? The echo chamber, right?
I have burdening people with my issues when people have countless of other things ti be concerned with. I tend to feel like I don't deserve the help because I'd be wasting their time and energy. That's why I have this little public echo chamber... that happened to be public.
Apart from everyting above, I kind of got inspired by other blogs on this site that made me want to log things publicly.
I don't know who will see this, or if anyone will ever see this but thank you. Why am I thanking you? I don't truly know. Maybe I never will. Maybe it's because someone---anyone reading what someone like me has to say makes me feel like I'm not completely and utterly invisible.
Of course, I definitely shouldn't get this personal here but... I need this to write down every last feeling of sorrow I have.
So, this is my echo chamber.
Take that as you will.